He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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