Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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