Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
