What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
