Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
