I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
