I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
