last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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