DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
