Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
