and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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