so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
