When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
