Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
