She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
