My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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