don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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