you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
