you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I intend to get homeless drunk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
