why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
