So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
try to milk me bitch
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
