I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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