I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
