last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
