"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
