Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
