she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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