Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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