Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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