Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
