I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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