totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
