I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
