alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
