I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
