I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
