Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
