there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
