In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
