Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
