GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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