My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
