rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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