white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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