i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
