It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
