Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
