I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
