i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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