Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
